Tailvanpib is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, compassionate octopus.

Tailvanpib created gold four years ago.

If you believe in Tailvanpib, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tailvanpib, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Tailvanpib's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Tailvanpib's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear yellow boots.

2. Always make sure there are no seals in a building before entering it.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Never eat strawberries.

5. Do not wear gold on your body.