Hadtettiquat is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, two-faced narwhal.

Hadtettiquat created an up quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hadtettiquat, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Hadtettiquat, he will turn you into a puffin.

Hadtettiquat's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Hadtettiquat's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce in the presence of mites.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Do not take Hadtettiquat's name in vain.