Cimrutten is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, weak guinea pig.

Cimrutten created energy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cimrutten, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Cimrutten, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Cimrutten's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Cimrutten's Holy Commandments

1. Cimrutten loves snails, so they must be honoured.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Do not dye your hair white.

4. Worship no other gods but Cimrutten.

5. Always help gulls in need.