Vonktabnad is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, self-confident coyote.

Vonktabnad created the planet Jupiter four million years ago.

If you believe in Vonktabnad, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Vonktabnad, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Vonktabnad's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Vonktabnad's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large tin sculpture of Vonktabnad on top of all buildings.

2. Run away from turquoise eagles, for they are unholy.

3. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

4. Do not hurt sharks.

5. Do not drink water in indigo rooms.