Konvonfum is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, thoughtless squirrel.

Konvonfum created dark energy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Konvonfum, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Konvonfum, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Konvonfum's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Konvonfum's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit in the presence of dolphins.

2. Never feed oranges to doves while wearing yellow ear rings.

3. You must pray to Konvonfum seven times a day.

4. Erect five lead sculptures of Konvonfum on top of important buildings.

5. Always pray immersed in water.