Tarppagpaskoprutgum is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, cheerful skunk.

Tarppagpaskoprutgum created a quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Tarppagpaskoprutgum, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tarppagpaskoprutgum, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Tarppagpaskoprutgum's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Tarppagpaskoprutgum's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Never think about amino acids.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.