Quartgovwot is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, generous guinea pig.

Quartgovwot created energy seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quartgovwot, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Quartgovwot, it will think nothing of it.

Quartgovwot's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Quartgovwot's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed oranges to squirrels while wearing blue trousers.

2. Always make sure there are no badgers in a room before entering it.

3. Run away if nine voles approach from the south.

4. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

5. Do not trade with those who eat rice.