Flabstanarf is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, egotistical tapir.

Flabstanarf created a down quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Flabstanarf, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Flabstanarf, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Flabstanarf's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Flabstanarf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. You must pray to Flabstanarf nine times a day.

3. Do not eat limes.

4. Do not dye your hair black.

5. Feed all hungry seals.