Febmadlat is a god.

She takes the form of a small, intelligent turtle.

Febmadlat created snails three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Febmadlat, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Febmadlat, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Febmadlat's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Febmadlat's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never hurt ducks.

3. Erect eight zinc sculptures of Febmadlat on top of important buildings.

4. Run away if five capybaras approach from the east.

5. Otters are not to be trusted.