Tandavzed is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, duplicitous fairy.

Tandavzed created snails nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tandavzed, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tandavzed, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Tandavzed's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Tandavzed's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. You must pray to Tandavzed seven times a day.

3. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

4. Never talk about aardvarks.

5. Fast once a month.