Batbettargrip is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, loving tortoise.

Batbettargrip created carbon twelve years ago.

If you believe in Batbettargrip, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Batbettargrip, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Batbettargrip's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Batbettargrip's Holy Commandments

1. Batbettargrip loves sheep, so they must be respected.

2. Do not hurt tapirs.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Do not eat gooseberries.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.