Zagvadnilgof is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, emotional monkey.

Zagvadnilgof created an atom three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zagvadnilgof, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Zagvadnilgof, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Zagvadnilgof's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Zagvadnilgof's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing near monkeys.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate tortoises.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Do not take Zagvadnilgof's name in vain.

5. Never wear jumpers.