Tarfarnbag is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, unsympathetic tortoise.

Tarfarnbag created life six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarfarnbag, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Tarfarnbag, she will destroy your home solar system.

Tarfarnbag's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Tarfarnbag's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt swans.

2. Always help turtles in need.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Never think about planets.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.