Jatnulldadsin is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, tiresome pig.

Jatnulldadsin created dark matter four billion years ago.

If you believe in Jatnulldadsin, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Jatnulldadsin, he will manifest in front of you.

Jatnulldadsin's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Jatnulldadsin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill monkeys.

2. Never bounce near capybaras.

3. Do not sing in public.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Retreat if nine cats approach from the east.