Yamwitzum is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, intelligent crab.

Yamwitzum created a Higgs boson eight million years ago.

If you believe in Yamwitzum, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Yamwitzum, she will turn you into a snail.

Yamwitzum's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Yamwitzum's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Yamwitzum.

2. Never go into pink rooms.

3. Yamwitzum must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never feed cherries to birds while wearing turquoise corsets.