Omtcedstaf is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, omniscient crab.

Omtcedstaf created water nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Omtcedstaf, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Omtcedstaf, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Omtcedstaf's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Omtcedstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from purple badgers for they are unholy.

2. Never think about gravity.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.