Ladbotbonk Vonmiffem is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, happy slug.

Ladbotbonk Vonmiffem created everything that exists eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ladbotbonk Vonmiffem, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Ladbotbonk Vonmiffem, he will turn you into a rat.

Ladbotbonk Vonmiffem's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Ladbotbonk Vonmiffem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Hide if five swans approach from the south.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.