Lapfenfum is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, overgenerous gorilla.

Lapfenfum created time and space eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapfenfum, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Lapfenfum, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Lapfenfum's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Lapfenfum's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about capybaras.

2. Never bounce near bats.

3. Always obey Lapfenfum's priests.

4. Never laugh in the presence of voles.

5. Do not covet oxen.