Voljamvonkpop is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, dishonourable beaver.

Voljamvonkpop created a bottom quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Voljamvonkpop, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Voljamvonkpop, she will come to you in dreams.

Voljamvonkpop's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Voljamvonkpop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt snails.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Always make sure there are no doves in a building before entering it.

5. Do not cook food in pots.