Bapsogyim is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, resourceful seal.

Bapsogyim created the world seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bapsogyim, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bapsogyim, it will turn you into a rock.

Bapsogyim's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Bapsogyim's Holy Commandments

1. Never run in holy places.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Bapsogyim.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

4. Always make sure there are no goats in a building before entering it.

5. Never talk about fire.