Faghugjamrutvenfatguncen Febteenfob is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, merciless slug.

Faghugjamrutvenfatguncen Febteenfob created Mount Everest eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Faghugjamrutvenfatguncen Febteenfob, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Faghugjamrutvenfatguncen Febteenfob, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Faghugjamrutvenfatguncen Febteenfob's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Faghugjamrutvenfatguncen Febteenfob's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear blue ear rings.

2. Run away if five aardvarks approach from the north.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Always wear orange.

5. Never feed cherries to turtles while wearing red scarves.