Jopgepvil Gumtomkik is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, self-confident parrot.

Jopgepvil Gumtomkik created life twelve years ago.

If you believe in Jopgepvil Gumtomkik, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Jopgepvil Gumtomkik, she will ignore you.

Jopgepvil Gumtomkik's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Jopgepvil Gumtomkik's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.