Kenyarpkab is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, dishonest dryad.

Kenyarpkab created light nine million years ago.

If you believe in Kenyarpkab, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Kenyarpkab, he will ignore you.

Kenyarpkab's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Kenyarpkab's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Never think about cell theory.

5. Always stare at clouds.