Jatpibbin is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, stupid cow.

Jatpibbin created water six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jatpibbin, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Jatpibbin, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Jatpibbin's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Jatpibbin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat pineapples.

2. Never talk about gravity.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Always make sure there are no manatees in a room before entering it.