Zemparkkap is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, witty rat.

Zemparkkap created the planet Earth three billion years ago.

If you believe in Zemparkkap, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Zemparkkap, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Zemparkkap's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Zemparkkap's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Never skip in the presence of moths.

4. You must never eat garlic.

5. Never play with disobedient children.