Jamsabpopmidyarpcim is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, unthoughtful cow.

Jamsabpopmidyarpcim created the planet Saturn three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jamsabpopmidyarpcim, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Jamsabpopmidyarpcim, it will turn you into a puffin.

Jamsabpopmidyarpcim's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Jamsabpopmidyarpcim's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about gravity.

2. Do not eat parsnips.

3. Never sit near goats.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Always help otters in need.