Metjatvin is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, blissful ant.

Metjatvin created the Milkyway three billion years ago.

If you believe in Metjatvin, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Metjatvin, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Metjatvin's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Metjatvin's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about asteroids.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. You must never eat peas.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.