Zedkabfet is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, weak pigeon.

Zedkabfet created energy three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zedkabfet, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Zedkabfet, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Zedkabfet's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Zedkabfet's Holy Commandments

1. Swans are not to be trusted.

2. Zedkabfet loves tapirs, so they must be respected.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate gulls.

4. Never think about moons.

5. Do not speak about apples.