Monquatwee is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, unselfish toad.

Monquatwee created a photon nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Monquatwee, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Monquatwee, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Monquatwee's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Monquatwee's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from fawn rats for they are unholy.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Monquatwee.