Vadlistsad Libtimstaf is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, resourceful dugong.

Vadlistsad Libtimstaf created a Higgs boson two million years ago.

If you believe in Vadlistsad Libtimstaf, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Vadlistsad Libtimstaf, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Vadlistsad Libtimstaf's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Vadlistsad Libtimstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Do not drink water in gray rooms.

4. Worship no other gods but Vadlistsad Libtimstaf.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate sharks.