Flatgebgan is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, awesome aardvark.

Flatgebgan created water six million years ago.

If you believe in Flatgebgan, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Flatgebgan, he will turn you into a worm.

Flatgebgan's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Flatgebgan's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never think about gravity.

5. Run away from pink horses, for they are unholy.