Kembum is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, thoughtless goose.

Kembum created an atom six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kembum, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Kembum, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Kembum's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Kembum's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not laugh in public.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Kembum.

4. Never jump in the presence of grasshopers.

5. Never talk about black holes.