Batvinfenkem is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, fussy seal.

Batvinfenkem created everything that exists two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Batvinfenkem, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Batvinfenkem, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Batvinfenkem's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Batvinfenkem's Holy Commandments

1. Batvinfenkem loves otters, so they must be honoured.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never mention geese.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.