Nuttloopkap is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, merciless aardvark.

Nuttloopkap created light four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nuttloopkap, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Nuttloopkap, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Nuttloopkap's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Nuttloopkap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Erect nine aluminium sculptures of Nuttloopkap on top of important buildings.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Do not skip in public.