Quatxemnut is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, passionate chinchilla.

Quatxemnut created an up quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Quatxemnut, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Quatxemnut, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Quatxemnut's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Quatxemnut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

3. Retreat if nine pigs approach from the west.

4. Pray towards the east.

5. Never feed grapes to aardvarks while wearing turquoise dresses.