Gessnartkik is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, unthoughtful crab.

Gessnartkik created a down quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gessnartkik, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Gessnartkik, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Gessnartkik's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Gessnartkik's Holy Commandments

1. Sheep are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Worship no other gods but Gessnartkik.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Always make sure there are no ducks in a room before entering it.

5. Never pour water over plants.