Orttonkkimcit is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, narcissistic crane.

Orttonkkimcit created humankind six million years ago.

If you believe in Orttonkkimcit, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Orttonkkimcit, it will jump up and down on your head.

Orttonkkimcit's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Orttonkkimcit's Holy Commandments

1. Doves are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Run away if three sheep approach from the north.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate sharks.

4. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

5. Never eat beans.