Jarnxuc is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, astonishing mole.

Jarnxuc created a bottom quark five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnxuc, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Jarnxuc, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Jarnxuc's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Jarnxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick goats.

2. Do not wear titanium on your body.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Jarnxuc.

5. Never laugh in holy places.