Sogtunarn is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, thoughtless turtle.

Sogtunarn created water nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sogtunarn, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Sogtunarn, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Sogtunarn's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Sogtunarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no tapirs in a room before entering it.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Sogtunarn.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never write about cell theory.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.