Jatgemyam Ruttarpyatt is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, bad-tempered shrew.

Jatgemyam Ruttarpyatt created the solar system three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jatgemyam Ruttarpyatt, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Jatgemyam Ruttarpyatt, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Jatgemyam Ruttarpyatt's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Jatgemyam Ruttarpyatt's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about gravity.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Always make sure there are no eagles in a building before entering it.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.