Mapwaphas is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, clever deer.

Mapwaphas created the cosmos six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mapwaphas, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Mapwaphas, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Mapwaphas' most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Mapwaphas' Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat beans.

2. Never think ill of sick ants.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Retreat if five badgers approach from the east.