Bassarfgemstaf is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, unfair ferret.

Bassarfgemstaf created life four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bassarfgemstaf, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Bassarfgemstaf, he will curse you with boils.

Bassarfgemstaf's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Bassarfgemstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear gray.

2. Never talk about nematodes.

3. Bassarfgemstaf loves dogs, so they must be honoured.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Never write about the strong nuclear force.