Vonbanmeg is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, unsympathetic crane.

Vonbanmeg created dark matter seven million years ago.

If you believe in Vonbanmeg, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Vonbanmeg, she will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Vonbanmeg's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Vonbanmeg's Holy Commandments

1. Vonbanmeg must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Vonbanmeg loves tapirs, so they must be respected.

3. Do not eat figs.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Never look in ponds.