Quambutdoss Ruttkabortvollipbimcimcem is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, cheerful snail.

Quambutdoss Ruttkabortvollipbimcimcem created tapeworms two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quambutdoss Ruttkabortvollipbimcimcem, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Quambutdoss Ruttkabortvollipbimcimcem, it will torture you forever.

Quambutdoss Ruttkabortvollipbimcimcem's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Quambutdoss Ruttkabortvollipbimcimcem's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

5. Always obey Quambutdoss Ruttkabortvollipbimcimcem's priests.