Gunruttvog is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, astonishing troll.

Gunruttvog created dark matter seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gunruttvog, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Gunruttvog, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Gunruttvog's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Gunruttvog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in cyan rooms.

2. Never paint your feet turquoise.

3. Never think about stars.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.