Hakkabzan is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, sapient wolf.

Hakkabzan created an up quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Hakkabzan, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Hakkabzan, he will ignore you.

Hakkabzan's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Hakkabzan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Hakkabzan's name in vain.

2. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Hakkabzan on top of all buildings.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Hakkabzan.

5. Never go into purple rooms.