Cadtombarn is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, omniscient seal.

Cadtombarn created snails two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cadtombarn, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Cadtombarn, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Cadtombarn's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Cadtombarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat onions.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate porpoises.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never bounce in holy places.

5. Always make sure there are no bats in a building before entering it.