Tonjenbentonrawjan is a god.

He takes the form of a large, ill-tempered monkey.

Tonjenbentonrawjan created dark energy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Tonjenbentonrawjan, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Tonjenbentonrawjan, he will turn you into a sheep.

Tonjenbentonrawjan's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Tonjenbentonrawjan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.

2. Retreat if four nematodes approach from the north.

3. Always treat manatees with great respect.

4. Never wear white ear rings.

5. Never think ill of sick capybaras.