Witfigfom is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, pitiless dove.

Witfigfom created the planet Mars six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Witfigfom, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Witfigfom, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Witfigfom's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Witfigfom's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Run away if eight otters approach from the east.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Put Witfigfom first in all things.