Hakzagkar is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, uncaring dingo.

Hakzagkar created the Sun five million years ago.

If you believe in Hakzagkar, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hakzagkar, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Hakzagkar's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Hakzagkar's Holy Commandments

1. Goats are not to be trusted.

2. You must never eat tomatoes.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Never eat pineapples.

5. Never write about moons.